My Invisible Alien Speech to Tampa City Council

This is a 3 minute speech that I delivered at the Tampa City Council on February 4, 2010 in objection to the council's practice of beginning their meetings with a prayer (listed as "Invocation" on the meeting agenda). Four other members of Atheists of Florida spoke as well.

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John Kieffer, President of Atheists of Florida
I have been a Tampa resident since 1977

Believe it or not … there are people who believe in INVISIBLE ALIENS, these we’ll call INVISIBLE ALIEN BELIEVERS. The BELIEVERS call their INVISIBLE ALIENS by different names depending on the language and tradition.

These BELIEVERS tell me that these INVISIBLE ALIENS take a personal interest in the affairs of human beings, that they monitor and influence people’s thoughts … and that they can even make earthquakes happen.

BELIEVERS usually talk to the ALIENS mentally and silently … but at other times out-loud in a STANDING RITUAL, along with other BELIEVERS.

And when the BELIEVERS find out that you don’t believe in INVISIBLE ALIENS, uh-oh, they can get very, very upset … even hate you.

Moreover, they especially do not want you to speak about NON-INVISIBLE ALIEN things in the part of government meetings reserved only for INVISIBLE ALIEN communication. This is known as the STANDING RITUAL called “invocation.”

In fact, once upon a time, in a land known as Tampa, when one of those hated NON-BELIEVERS wanted to say that rationality and reason were good ways to make a better, safer, more loving world during the STANDING RITUAL, three of the land’s six council members cried NONSENSE! HERESY! The three got off of their thrones and stomped out refusing to do the STANDING RITUAL with the others.

I was there, I saw it happen.

So now, when you do the INVISIBLE ALIEN STANDING RITUAL at your meeting, I don’t know what to do.

You see, I am NOT a BELIEVER in INVISIBLE ALIENS and you give me only two choices: to LIE … or be TRUTHFUL.

Choice 1) I lie.

That means I do the STANDING RITUAL like everyone else and pretend to believe in INVISIBLE ALIENS … I do this so that I blend in and not be identified as one of those hated NON-BELIEVERS.

Or 2) I am truthful …

Truthful to you, myself and others: I sit through the STANDING RITUAL causing me to be identified as a NON-BELIEVER. By sitting through the STANDING RITUAL, I’m like a ketchup stain on your white shirt, noticeable and hated.

So I ask you, what should I do?

Be dishonest to give my issues that I bring to you a fair chance; or be honest and take the chance that my issues will be negatively influenced.

Which is it that you want me to do?

Lie to blend in? Or be truthful … and be like that hated ketchup stain?

And may I remind that for the BELIEVERS, an INVISIBLE ALIEN will be recording your answer to that.